


Across Rivers of Stars and Mountains of Galaxies

by YunaBlaze



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Baggage, Enemies to Friends, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Slice of Life, Strained Friendships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-04-06 09:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19060045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunaBlaze/pseuds/YunaBlaze
Summary: What would you do... if you find the goal you have fought so hard for is actually a rotting pit?What would you do... when your best friend became the very terrible being that gave you nightmares?What would you do... Fight? Cry? Rage? Break?What would you do?





	Across Rivers of Stars and Mountains of Galaxies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Asymptotical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asymptotical/gifts).



> I have lots of fun writing for this pairing and trying my hand in slice of life topics. I hope you enjoy this story.

_What kind of flower is that?_

_This one?_

_No, the one you keep in your journal, Amil._

_Oh, that one... I... Actually don’t know... My Master had found me with it when I was an infant. It’s pretty, isn’t it?_

_It is indeed and you are... keeping it healthy with your Force?_

_I... Yes... Is it too silly?_

_No... There are worse ways to use the Force than using it to preserve a flower._

_Maybe one day, you’ll see this flower with your own eyes._

_...Maybe... I... I would love that... Seeing it and you with my own eyes._

_Now you are just saying that to make me blush._

_Believe me, I did not._

_I can hear the teasing in your voice. You can’t hide your feelings from me!_

_Hmm... If you can sense them from this far away. Perhaps I should indeed focus more on my training these days._

_What?! No! Don’t go training! If you train more, then I won’t be able to catch up! Please don’t leave me behind..._

_Don’t worry, Amil. I am not going anywhere. You know that. We have something special after all._

_You promise you won’t go too far ahead? You’ll make sure to slow down so I can catch up to you?_

_I promise. And I never break my promise. I will wait for you to catch up to me and when you do, I’ll finally be able to see you with my own eyes._

_Okay. I trust you. I know you’ll keep your promise..._

***

‘Amil. Wake up. Commander!’

Emerald green eyes blinked opened, staring up at the man who stood above him. He slowly sat up, yawning slightly as he apologized, ‘Ah, sorry Theron. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but it’s definitely a nice dream you’ve interrupted.’

The agent sighed in exasperation as he remarked, ‘Only you can somehow fall asleep out here without a blanket or anything.’

The Jedi laughed lightly at that as he let his hands shifted over the grass and dirt underneath him and said to his friend, ‘I can’t help it. Nature makes me feel more at ease and helps me interact with the Force more strongly.’

‘Sometimes you act more like a kid playing in the dirt than a Jedi,’ Theron teased him, ruffling his black shoulder-length hair playfully. ‘And aren’t you Consulars supposed to be the all-wise-and-mighty figures within the Jedi Order? What would your own Master say if she sees you like this?’

Amil smirked as he answered, ‘She’ll just sigh in exasperation and leave me to my meditation. She only dragged me out of it when it was time for combat training anyway.’

‘How did you survive for so long again?’ Theron asked with his usual teasing drawl as he knelt down beside him. Amil was not surprised by the man’s curiosity, seeing he was the living embodiment of the Jedi Consular code, a pacifist above all else. He would rather attempt to speak with his enemies, if possible, before he resorted to violent means to end a fight. By his record, he succeeded in eight out of ten occasions. Sad that their current enemy could not be swayed by his silver tongue.

‘Like I said, I paid attention to my lessons and my Master made sure I followed through all my combat classes,’ the brunet answered casually with half a shrug. To be honest, even he questioned himself at times how he had managed to survive so far and why he was even named as the Commander of the Alliance. He was no leader like Grand Master Satele Shan and certainly not the most capable fighter in the Jedi Order. At most, he would only consider himself as a reliable consultant, though Lana pretty much threw that idea out of the window when she had straight up declared him to be the leader of their organization.

‘I think that is enough,’ said the agent, patting him on the shoulder. The camaraderie behind the gesture comforted the Jedi greatly, despite not being Force-sensitive, Amil was often impressed by how well Theron could read into others. While some might said this was something the man had learned in his SIS days, the Jedi believed that this ability of his came from his difficult family life. In a way, it could be compared to how an animal imprinted themselves on certain individuals and followed them to the end of the galaxy. Theron had lost many people in his life, who either abandoned him or were just temporary traveler partners in his life, but Amil and Lana, they might be the only people who had ever stuck with him the longest.

‘I can only hope that it would be enough in our upcoming fight,’ Amil replied with a small smile. He might be no great leader or fighter, though once he was set on a mission, he would do everything in his power to see it through.

‘It would be enough,’ Theron reassured him, ruffling his hair in manner that the brunet came to associate as a brotherly gesture. To him, Theron was the casual and easy-going big brother who made sure that he would have an easier life and Lana was the serious and proper big sister who would keep him in line when she could, they both cared about him greatly. ‘I mean, you got me, an extraordinary Republic agent, Lana the almighty evil Sith, Koth the best pilot and daredevil, Senya the elusive singer, joking here, and... well... you even managed to have the former tyrant and your would-be murderer as an ally.’

While the Jedi knew that Theron didn’t mean it in a bad way, he understood the apprehension concerning one Arcann, the former tyrant who had hounded them all the way to Odessan and tried to murder him numerous times because he was the unwilling vessel of Valkorion. Amil unconsciously went to cover his side with his hand, recalling the searing pain he felt from the lightsaber in his guts and the burning hatred Arcann had against him and the uninvited soul within him.

***

_Lithe fingers danced on the keyboard urgently as green eyes scanned the systems’ response in a fast pace. Amil had to the docking clamps off the Gravestone or they would all be doomed. He sighed in slight relief when the system announced that the docking clams were off and heard everyone heading towards the ancient ship through the comms, though no sooner did he release that breath he had, he sensed danger and quickly rolled to the side to avoid the fatal hit of a lightsaber._

_How did he?! The Jedi quickly got back up as he stared at the Zakuul Empire who was glaring at him with seething hatred. It was impossible that he couldn’t sense his presence with how much power he was openly displaying with the Force!_

_‘We have unfinished business,’ Arcann announced coldly before he used the Force to fling the Jedi to an open area._

_Amil grimaced in pain at the rough landing on his side, though he ignored it as he got back up on his feet. This was hardly his first fight and he had been beaten enough time that he could ignore this kind of rough start, for he had come a long way from the weak insignificant padawan to being an experienced master Jedi. If Arcann wished for a fight, he would give him one, so long that his eyes were focused here, then many others could be spared from this tyrant’s warpath and his friends could use this distraction to escape to the Gravestone. Lana and the others might prioritized his life over theirs, but to him, this was no fair exchange and he rather made sure others survived before him._

_This time, the brunet was prepared to intercept Arcann’s attack with his own lightsaber and traded a few blows before he pushed him back with a bit of help from the Force. As his hand came into contact with his opponent, he sensed something sharp against his spirit through the Force, but it was not a mental attack from the other. No... He had encountered this many times in his training as a healer..._

_‘You… don’t… touch me!’ the tyrant bit out in disgust._

_The brunet hesitated slightly, for the healer side of him was reluctantly to fight someone who was soulfully crying out for help, though the fighter spirit soon took the reign again. This man was no victim... Arcann was his enemy, one who would not hesitate to kill him if he gave him even one opening to do so. Amil steeled himself, physically and mentally, as he challenged the tyrant. ‘No one is invincible. You will fall.’_

_‘You will hang on my wall for eternity,’ Arcann retorted back. His words were that of a dark promise and they sent a shiver down the Jedi’s spine as he recalled his poisoned state when he was released from the carbonite block._

_If it wasn’t for HK-55’s timely arrival, Amil was not sure if he would have been able to wholly focus in this fight. The assassin droid’s presence was a comfort, reminding him of HK-51, a loyal companion of his. Unfortunately, HK-55’s loyalty to him brought its own destructive end at the hands of Arcann while shielding him from a fatal blow._

_‘I can’t wait to meet all your friends,’ said the Zakulaan gleefully, thoroughly enjoying the pained look on the Jedi’s face as he regarded his fallen companion._

_Amil felt the anger building within him, the rush of hatred towards this person who had murdered HK-55 and sought to harm his remaining friends as well. This dark emotion of his drew Valkorion’s attention as the spirit whispered his tempting promise of power to him to eliminate this threat, though the Jedi spat back on the parasitic entity that he would eliminate BOTH he and Arcann with his own power. Sadly, his own strength was hardly enough to even make it a challenge to Arcann._

_Their duel ended with a lightsaber stabbed through his guts as the current emperor of Zakuul taunted Valkorion by asking him if he felt the pain through his current host. The pain was worse than anything he had suffered by far and, with his weakened state, his mental barrier against the Force was greatly lowered, allowing many feelings and thoughts poured into his mind. Amil’s Master had initially isolated him and trained him in solitude, for his sensitivity to the Force was too great to be training with his peers, she had to build up his mental defense for him to not be overwhelmed by what he could sense from the Force or he would end up catatonic most of the time. What he felt from Arcann was waves and waves of undying hatred. Anger, anger, anger. A howling storm that sought to lay waste everything in its path._

_Yet..._

_What was this sorrowful lullaby within the unstoppable tempest?_

_Amil did not have an answer to that question, for the pain from his wound and Koth’s rescue prevented him from pondering further on such matter. They quickly made their escape back to the Gravestone and from there to space, seeking a new place to hide and recover..._

***

‘Amil, are you alright?’ asked Theron worriedly.

His concerning tone drew the Jedi out of his reverie as he answered back, ‘Yes... Just... I guess, the pain is still too new. It still aches from time to time.’

‘Hmm, you should have it checked if it still hurts,’ the agent recommended as he got up and offered the brunet his hand.

‘I will,’ the Jedi promised as he was pulled up to his feet.

‘Good,’ said Theron with a nod as he turned to leave the field. ‘I’ll see you back at headquarter. Got some supply ships I need to check before I go to the meeting.’

‘Alright. Don’t take too long with those!’ Amil added, knowing the Republic agent’s bad habit of overdoing things out of precaution. One of the few things he could top Lana on, overworking himself with more workload.

The Jedi sighed as he looked around, not really wanting to immediately head back for the meeting, they knew that Vaylin hadn’t attacked them, because she was not ready yet, their scouts and informants were still gathering data on her current location. With a shake of his head, Amil headed further ahead where a lake was located, his little garden he had dubbed, where he had planted many different flowers and plants, some for pleasure and others for their healing properties. If he ever got to retire as the Commander, this would be where he would find himself, a healer of mind and body with a green thumb. If it weren’t for the hands Fate dealt with him, Amil preferred greatly to remain a simple Jedi healer, far from the battlefield and helping whoever he could at home with his power and his knowledge on herbal remedies, something many Jedi of his generation no longer counted on.

While the brunet was so focused on checking the growth of some of the plants with pain numbing quality and dropping down notes in his journal, he failed to notice the careful approach of a presence until the person surprised him with his remark. ‘A very peaceful place you’ve created.’

Amil dropped his notebook by accident in his hurry to get up and away from his surprised visitor, Arcann. The man... had changed since the last time they had fought and he had been proving himself to him and the Alliance on many occasions, though Amil still had a bit of a hard time to differentiate him from the merciless tyrant and the current humble prince he was. One of the reasons he tried to avoid the Zakulaan as much as possible was because of this irrational fear planted in him from their previous encounters, it was easy to talk with his former enemy when there were friends or allies around, people he trusted who would allow him to bow out of the stage if it became too much for him to handle, though the Jedi was reduced to a nervous wreck of a Commander when he had to deal with him on his own.

‘I apologize. I didn’t mean to surprise you,’ said Arcann softly as he bent down to pick up the notebook carefully.

‘Uh... No... It’s fine...’ Amil stuttered slightly, inwardly struggling to make himself to act more proper and facing the source of his fear with courage instead of cowardice.

The scarred man didn’t say anything as he offered his book back with both hands posed in a manner that seemed more like an offering than a simple return of a dropped object. At times, Amil felt disturbed by this sudden newfound respect Arcann displayed towards him. They had initially been mortal enemies, then he had spared his life after his defeat and later had allowed him to join the Alliance. He had hardly done anything to deserve the man’s respect in such manner.

‘Thank you,’ the Jedi whispered in a rather meek manner as he carefully took his worn notebook back, mindful of not touching the other by accident, for it was too easy for him to accidentally glimpsed the other’s feelings or revealed his own through physical contact, especially when his mind was unprepared for such scramble.

Surprisingly, instead of confusion or displeasure for his rather unrefined action, there was a look of understanding within those blue eyes of the Zakulaan as he took a step back to give Amil a bit more space before he gestured at their surroundings and asked curiously, ‘I assume you’re the caretaker of these plants?’

‘Uh... yes...’ Amil stuttered out his response once more, despite his best effort to sound a bit more dignified. Where in the galaxy did his courage and confidence in face of seemingly invincible enemies went? By the Force, he was more composed when facing Valkorion on his own and Arcann was the lesser evil of the two!

The former tyrant knelt down to study the plant Amil was checking. Green eyes studied the flesh hand of the man touching the stem of the plant curiously. How strange that the hand that had taken so many lives was actually capable of such gentleness.

‘Are you alright?’

The question drew Amil out of his aimless mental pondering as he stared into concerned blue eyes and he quickly answered, ‘Yes, of course. Fine. Why do you ask?’

The Zakulaan seemed to hesitate with his next words before he shook his head and said it was nothing before he returned his attention to the plants and flowers. It was only when the man’s attention was not focused on him that Amil realized he was clutching his side tightly as if he was trying to stop the bleeding and burning wound from a lightsaber...

***

Things remained awkward between the Jedi and the former prince, even when they had finally put the Eternal Emperor down for good. No more bodysnatching or soul devouring from Valkorion ever again. Now... only the Eternal Alliance remained...

Honestly, Amil thought he would be allowed to bow off of the stage afterwards, though it seemed his desire for a peaceful retreat was a far cry. Nonetheless, Lana and Theron continued to support him and willingly took more share of his burden. They both knew he was a simple man who only ever shone brightly when he was needed by others, so they allowed him a small amount of reprieve from this duty as much as they could, now that peace had returned to the galaxy and no imminent threat had reared their head up yet.

The brunet still pulled his weight with his daily duties, though he did have more time to spend in his own personal garden, where he unfortunately had to deal with the constant visit of one Arcann. While he could more or less act as he normally did with others when he was with Arcann, there was still a very apparent wall between them. Yet the other Force user didn’t try to close their gap or confront him for his distance, he had kept a respectful distance between them and had only asked him... pointers in how to take care of these plants, what properties did they have, were some poisonous or not. These were all questions that a curious student might asked to a teacher. Nonetheless, teaching was something that was more or less his element that Amil was able to handle the Zakulaan’s presence a bit better when they were focused on a certain subject.

‘These are pretty matured and they are good as pain numbing ointment,’ remarked the Jedi as he showed the green plant they were currently studying, running his fingers lightly on the stem. ‘It’s actually one of the most soothing ones too.’

‘Does it require other ingredients?’ Arcann asked as he touched the leaf of said plant.

‘Usually a bit of water or oil will do the trick,’ answered Amil with a nod as he opened his journal to note down the date of maturity, seeing Odessen’s soil seemed to affect the plants’ growth and he still needed to check if it also affected their properties.

‘That flower... What kind of flower is that?’

Green eyes looked up questioningly. Hadn’t they already talked about it? ‘This one?’

‘No... The one you kept in your journal... Amil.’

Amil quickly glanced back down at his journal where the pressed flower, a thin delicate little thing he had used as a bookmark for as long as he could remember. A slim stem with no thorns and blue brushy petals with a hint of dark blue and purple. No one had actually really paid attention to it... Aside from... No... He stared back at the other suspiciously. So far, Arcann had never referred to him by his given name, only his title as either the Outlander or Commander. There was something else... Those words... They were...

‘I... I actually don’t know... My Master has found it with me when I was an infant... It’s pretty, isn’t it?’

He wouldn’t know. There was no way that of all people in the galaxy...

‘It is indeed and you are keeping it healthy with your Force?’

No way...

‘Yes... Is it-’

‘No. There are worse ways to use the Force than using it to preserve a flower.’

Amil snapped his journal shut and quickly stood up as he hurriedly excused himself, ‘Sorry, I forgot that I have something important to attend to. We’ll discuss this another time...’

‘Wait Amil!’

The Jedi grimaced as Arcann grabbed his wrist to stop him from leaving. It wasn’t just the strength behind the grip that made him grimace, it was also the amount of feelings pouring out from the physical contact.

Anger, shame, shame, shame, hurt, hurt, hurt, longing, longing, longing, longing...

FEAR!

‘GET AWAY FROM ME!’ Amil yelled, overwhelmed by all the feelings that were Arcann’s and that of his own, forcing the Zakulaan back with more strength than usual with his Force.

For the first time in his life, the Jedi had ran away instead of facing his challenge. He ran like Valkorion, Vaylin and every other enemy he had faced so far came back to haunt him. It was a miracle he managed to somehow make it back to his room without alerting or even panicking a few workers, though just because he made it back to his private quarters, it did not mean he was safe. No. He did not feel safe. He felt disturbed... Betrayed...

The brunet curled up in his bed, clutching his journal close as he tried to bottle up all of his emotions. He had been betrayed before, though this was the one betrayal he had never ever seen it coming and the pain it brought was far too big for his heart to handle.

When he was a child, he couldn’t train with his peers, because his Force sensitivity was too high and their presence affected him greatly, causing him to lose control more easily and affecting others when he had accidentally broadcasted his emotions to others, so he ended up isolated from everyone. Only his Master visited him, to train him and teach him until he had better control over his power. It was during one of his lonely nights he spent at the garden, tending the herbal plants diligently, that he had first heard it, a voice he did not recognized. At first, it was faint and only feelings of distressed and unhappiness could be felt, though coherent sentences were formed over time, flashes of faint visions from each other, and before he realized it, Amil had formed a bond with the other, another boy who grew faster than he did. Someone who was not affected by his inadequacy and who he could actually talk with freely. It was his first friendship and one he cherished dearly, even when the voice had one day faded and he could no longer sensed his presence. Yet Amil clung onto that promise they had made with each other and trained hard to become a better Jedi so he could travel the stars, all in hopes that he would one day meet the other face-to-face like they had promised.

There was no way that his childhood friend... A friend he had managed to make in his youth when he was training to better his control over the Force, whose voice had reached his ears from over a distant galaxy and his words were carried to his. The person who was kind to him, who he shared secrets and dreams with...

Arcann...

An amber-coloured red eye that glowed with hatred.

Arcann couldn’t...

The light from a golden-coloured lightsaber was as blinding as it was deadly.

Arcann couldn’t be...

Deadly venomous words formed dark threatening lullabies in his nightmare.

Arcann couldn’t be his...

Blue serene eyes that had showed nothing but sincere feelings stared at him in sadness.

Amil curled up on himself further at the memory.

Arcann couldn’t be his friend...

***

Since then, Amil had taken great effort to avoid the former prince at all cost. His sense was on constant high alert for even the faintest trace of the other’s Force. The moment he sensed Arcann, he would instantly change his direction and head for the opposite, meetings concerning Zakuul were mostly made with Senya and were kept brief as much as possible, meetings which Arcann participated in, Amil forced himself to pretend the other wasn’t there and gave him nothing but polite acknowledgements and curt replies. Of course, the others weren’t exactly blind to this sudden change of behaviour, though Theron and Lana hadn’t pried yet, they were clearly scheming to interrogate him together from the looks he caught on them. He would deal with the talk when it came, but until then, he would be leaving things as it was right now.

Amil was about to head back to his room when a voice called out to him from the end of the hall. ‘Commander, there’s something I would like to discuss something with you.’

The Jedi tensed up slightly at the stern yet soft tone Senya used. It looked Senya had finally decided that she had played the silent observer enough and chose to confront him directly, though said confrontation sounded much like a mother readied to scold her child than a mother attempting to scare away potential threats to her child. Amil was not sure which one he preferred to face in this case, seeing either possibility would mean pain to him, just a question of mental or physical pain.

‘Yes, Senya?’ Amil turned to face the older woman, keeping his expression neutral and holding his cards close to his heart.

‘Join me on a walk, I believe there are much to discuss,’ the woman replied, a small comforting smile on her face as she took the lead and Amil followed. ‘I have... heard from Arcann there has been a... dispute between the two of you.’

‘...Something like that,’ the Jedi begrudgingly agreed, though his tone hinted that he had no desire to share what the dispute was about.

‘...I’ve found that it’s always better to attempt to talk things through before keeping a distance from each other. It lessens the burden you carry,’ said Senya.

‘It’s nothing, Senya. There is no burden to carry of whatsoever,’ objected Amil. Nope, he slept just fine!

‘Your baggy eyes tell us otherwise,’ the woman remarked without turning her head to look at him.

The brunet grimaced slightly at the remark, because it was true that he looked exhausted, everyone had told him so at least once these last few days, though it had nothing to do with Arcann! There were just... too many duties he had to attend to!

As they stood before the elevator, Amil decided to cut straight to the point. ‘Senya. Please just tell me what you hope to accomplish here. I will not speak with Arcann and your son seem to understand my intention well enough to keep his distance.’

‘Yes. Neither of your wish to speak and that’s why you have left the wounds fester between you,’ said Senya as she turned to face Amil. Her face was no longer that of a concerned mother, it was the face of a warrior who sought to do the right thing despite the many opposition against her choice. ‘But as Arcann’s mother and an ally of the Alliance, I can condone the continuance of such behaviour and neither can your friends.’

Amil raised an eyebrow at this. So Lana and Theron were in on this as well? Well... It kind of made sense, seeing Senya was Arcann’s mom and one of the members of the Alliance’s council, so her being assigned to handle the matter between him and Arcann was a very reasonable decision on his friends’ part. Still, it did not and would not change the fact that he was not interested in divulging the reason behind this major, for the lack of better word, breakup between him and Arcann.

‘Therefore, extreme measures must be taken,’ continued Senya, eyes burning with determination.

Before the Jedi could voice out what she meant by that, the elevator had arrived and he was roughly shoved into it. Amil only realized someone had caught him before a loud noise sounded with the elevator and then light vanished in a blink. What in the world?!

‘Commander, are you alright?’

...No... Way...

Amil instantly pushed away the person who was holding him as the emergency light turned on. There stood Arcann, looking as surprised as he was at this sudden turn of events. Extreme measures, huh? Apparently that did not mean anything as drastic as he thought those words meant, like forcing him to step down from the Commander position. Nonetheless, being locked within an elevator with Arcann was not what he would consider as a pleasant time. If Lana and Theron somehow agreed to this idea, oh there would be quite a payback in the future for this stunt! Getting named as the Commander against his will? Okay. Getting into tight spots with well-known risks? Okay as well. Getting locked in tight space with Arcann, so they could talk things through? NOT OKAY!

The brunet did not reply to the man’s concern and turned to try to force the doors open with the Force, only to find a metal wall behind the doors. Ah... That explained the metal screeching noise he had heard, Senya had forced the elevator down and had it stuck in between two floors. Alright then... He raised his hands up and concentrated, attempting to move the entire elevator with his own power, something he was more than capable of, though he soon found two Forces clashing against his. Ugh... Should have known that Senya and the others wouldn’t make his escape out of this trap that easily. He ignored the strain on his mind and the sweat clinging onto his brows as he tried to move the transportation device, he just needed an opening to slip out.

‘Commander, you’ve got to stop.’

Green eyes glared at the metal wall as he felt the elevator shifted a bit, ignoring the Zakulaan and the groaning sounds from the metal.

‘Commander!’

He was not backing down here!

‘AMIL!’

When the brunet felt the hands on his shoulders, his reaction was instant and almost instinctual, jumping away from the man who had hurt him mentally, physically and emotionally as well. ‘DON’T TOUCH ME!’

The elevator shook a bit and the groaning from the metal stopped, though some of the corners had a bended look on them. He wanted to get out. He wanted to put a wide amount of distance between him and this man who seemed to exist just to bring pain and suffering upon him. Sadly, he was now stuck in this deathbox with said man because his worried friends and a concerned mother wanted them to solve whatever problem they had with each other! He went to sit down on the side, pulling his knees close to his chest and hanging his head in his hands as he tried to mentally gather himself together once more. His lack of sleep and emotional turmoil had stressed his psyche to the limit. Why couldn’t they just leave this matter be? Hadn’t they heard of the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind?”

After a few minutes, Amil sensed Arcann sitting down next to him, though he still gave him some space, which he was inwardly thankful of.

‘I’m sorry...’ Arcann whispered softly. ‘I’m sorry for... everything...’

Amil stayed silent and unmoving. He was too tired to deal with the other.

‘When I was a child... My brother and I were constantly training, day in and day out... At times, we had to run away from home to actually get some moments of freedom... Over time, even those escapes grew bitter and I felt constantly trapped...’ The Jedi tensed slightly as he felt the other’s eyes on him. ‘Until I’ve found you...

‘You... were... so different... You don’t know who I was and you didn’t have any expectation. I could pretend for a moment I am someone else than Prince Arcann. All those talks of beautiful dreams and silly secrets in the garden... You made those harsh lonely days felt shorter and easier to endure... But over time my anger grew and I slowly lost you. I... I didn’t lie... When I’ve said that I hope to see you one day... I just never thought that... our first meeting would be that... horrible... and all the pain I will later inflict upon you,’ Arcann admitted, shame and guilt were apparent in his tone, though his words were all sincere.

‘...When did you realize?’ Amil looked up slightly, an exhausted look on his face as he regarded the other. ‘When did you realize I was... your old friend?’

The last word tasted rather bitter on his tongue. Old friends turned into bitter enemies and then into a mess.

‘I didn’t realize who you are until I saw you in the garden,’ answered the Zakulaan. A small almost nostalgic smile on his lips. ‘You looked so peaceful and at ease... It struck a memory in my head. Small delicate hands working diligently on a simple plant and gentle voice whispering to me the old teachings. I still wasn’t certain back then, but I knew that I wanted to know you better and I also understood that you would be wary of me after everything that had happened between us, so I approached you with the desire to learn about gardening. A topic you are at ease with. As you repeated each of those old teachings I have forgotten, I knew then that you are the same Amil, my... friend...’

Amil hugged his knees as he remarked, ‘You should have just kept quiet about it, then we wouldn’t be in this predicament...’

That silenced Arcann for a minute before he continued, ‘I regret many things Amil... Hurting you was the one mistake I wish I could reverse, but... I don’t regret to have told you about who I was to you.’

Amil stared at Arcann in surprise for that admission.

‘There are many things I wish I could undo, but I can’t change the past. All I can do is try to make the future a little better every day. And I thought it is better for you to know who I was now, then discover it later. I want to be honest towards you, just as you have been to everyone,’ explained Arcann. ‘I really want to be your friend once more, if not a companion you can rely on.’

‘...I don’t know if we ever can be friends again, Arcann...’ admitted the Jedi honestly, a bit struck by the man’s sincerity.

‘I do not ask for your friendship,’ Arcann replied as he went to kneel before him, taking his hand in his flesh one gently. ‘I only ask for a chance to be a better person for you.’

‘I can do that...’ Amil whispered after a moment of silence. He had given chances to other people with unsavoury backgrounds and had spared even Imperials. He could give the Zakulaan a chance, though he would not hold his breath that this fragmented bond of theirs could ever be fixed.

‘Thank you, Amil,’ Arcann whispered back softly, pressing his forehead against the back of the Jedi’s hand in a reverent manner that made Amil wondered why he was still so respectful towards him when he had done nothing but rejected him time and again...

***

After their cage talk, things just went back to how they were before the whole revelation fiasco, both Amil and Arcann were a bit more engaged in the meetings, they managed small talks when they crossed path in the base and they continued to tend to the garden together when they had time. They also had a different degree of confrontation with friends and parent respectively, nothing major, just a few high volume words here and there.

Things were normal and peaceful once more on Odessan.

Only thing that had changed in their daily routine was Arcann would always present Amil with a flower, each day a different one. Leaving the Jedi confused, embarrassed and slightly happy over his gifts.

Of course, not everything could be repaired, same as healed wounds would later become scars and broken objects could not hide their cracks and wears. Amil could not fully healed from the pain Arcann had inflicted on him and Arcann could never truly erased the sins he had committed. Yet, they both continued to move forward, one step at a time, side by side. Their hands might touched, might not. It did not matter. Amil might forever be perplexed by Arcann’s almost worshipping behaviour towards him, never knowing that the reason behind his actions came from a love he had kept deep within his hardened heart, one that would forever burn and beat for him.

Not all love could have a happy ending where lovers embraced one another and declared they would live happily ever after. At times, lovers might separate by different circumstances or discovered they did belong to one another. Fall in love, fading love, love ends. Amil might have crossed rivers of stars and mountains of galaxies, chasing after a childhood promise, to meet Arcann who had burned away said promise from his memory when he chose to walk a darker path, but it would not change the end result of them being broken and their friendship fractured badly.

Yet... Amil and Arcann were still walking on the same path, carrying only a tiny seed of hope on them. Hope for what? Well... Who knew...? The path was still long and many crossroads still awaited them.


End file.
